just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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