So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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