My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
