i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
