i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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