Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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