Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
