I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
