Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize