Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
