Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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