I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We have so much sex to catch up on
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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