Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
