I haven't been this sober since birth.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
