I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize