We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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