I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
