Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
