Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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