he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
