Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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