i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
