There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
