the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
