just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
