You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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