it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
