Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
