so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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