I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
