At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
