I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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