I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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