ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
