so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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