Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
