i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
