Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
