I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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