My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
