Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
