Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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