Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think I just sharted jello shots
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
