he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
