I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
