we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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