ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
