I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he laminated a picture of his dick.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
