508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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