God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
