I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
