Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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