why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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