what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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