is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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