there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
