I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
