My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
