Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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