Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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