My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
