Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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