do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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