the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
