I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I supernannyed him into submission
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
