im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
