I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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