Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
