Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
